Thursday, September 10, 2009

Attack Clowns

My daughter is 15. Like many teenagers, she is a texting queen. Her 24,000 texts a month are not a problem for my husband and I as long as she follows the rules. The rules include; no texting during dinner, no texting during homework, must be turned off by 11:00 PM, etc..

Her texting became a problem at 1:35 AM last night.

The daughter woke me up at 1:35 AM, scared. Hmmm, 15, and still scared in the middle of the night? Yeah, it STILL happens. So I asked her what had her so scared. Apparently, chain mail texts are pretty rampant among her friends (how else do you get 24,000 texts in one month?) She said she doesn't believe them, but she forwards them anyway, just in case. Her friend sent her a chain text yesterday. It said if it wasn't forwarded to 15 friends, she would be attacked by a clown at 1:45 AM. A CLOWN!!???!? C'MON!!!!! The daughter told me she was really hoping she would sleep through 1:45, but since she woke up, she was scared. "Can I sleep in your bed?" Again, 15 and still wanting to sleep in my bed??? Yeah, it still happens. She climbs into the bed and we are trying to settle back to sleep. Suddenly we hear some road construction type of banging/clanking in the distance. "WHAT WAS THAT????" She asked, still shaking.

I shouldn't have, but I did............sometimes you just can't resist................
"It's a clown attacking your friends down the street, aren't you glad you forwarded that text?"

It's really hard to sleep with a quivering 15 year old scrunched up next to you.

Monday, September 7, 2009

PUD Trail

In the area where I live we have a public utility district trail to exercise on. Walkers, joggers, and bikers use the trail. The PUD trail is the scene of my "On the left!" or "On your right!" dilemma I ranted about earlier.

I usually bike the hills of the trail. I did this today. If I ride from my house, and ride the hills two times, then ride back home it gives me a good 10 mile hilly workout. I love it.

There are interesting people on the PUD trail. Today, there was a dude in a golf cart. His cart took up most of the width of the trail. Hmmmmm, I wonder what he does when he's on someones left or on their right.

There was also a woman whose boobs took up the width of the trail. Somehow, she was jogging. Hmmmmm, I wonder what she does when she's on someones left or on their right.

There are also millions (yes millions) of blackberries ripening along the PUD trail. Not to be derogatory or anything, but, what's the deal with Asians picking blackberries? Does anybody know? The ONLY people I EVER see out picking blackberries are Asians. Hmmmmm, I wonder what they do when someone is on their left or on their right.

Tomorrow, I go back to school. After a beautifully relaxing summer, it's back to grueling professors and extraordinary amounts of homework.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Chia Seeds

I have an obsessive-compulsive co-worker. This girl is seriously obsessive crazy.

She eats 16 hard boiled eggs on egg day. She eats 4 ice cream bars for dinner on ice cream day. On yogurt day, she eats 5 yogurts in a row. When she has a cup of coffee, she adds 10 packages of creamer.

She once had a problem with constipation, so she decided to take a laxative. Remember I told you this girl is obsessive crazy? She couldn't just take two like the package said, she REALLY wanted to poop, so she took ten, yes TEN!!!!!!!! So, she pooped alright. She was not home when she took them, and by the time she made it home she was crapping her pants as she ran upstairs to the bathroom.

With all of this food she eats, you might think she is overweight but she's not! The obsessive crazy girl who eats obsessively also exercises obsessively. When she is in the mood to exercise she hits the treadmill or the stationary bike and stays on it for hours at a time, then she goes back to the gym for several days in a row, staying on a machine for hours every day. She continues this until everything hurts so bad she can't move, then she does it for a few more days before she takes a break.

So today at work obsessive-compulsive crazy girl decided to add some Chia Seeds to her yogurt. Yeah, Chia seeds. You know the Chia seeds used in the Chia pet commercials? Dr. Oz highly recommends them as a dietary supplement. She couldn't eat just one little scoop of (expanding) Chia, OH NO, that would be too easy...........she ate ELEVEN scoops! So, did you see that little (expanding) a minute ago? Chia seeds expand as they digest. The maximum you should eat in one day would be about three scoops. Yes, she ate ELEVEN!!!!!!!!

All afternoon she prayed to vomit. She didn't vomit.

I'm glad my shift is over and I don't have to stay at work with her because next comes the farting.

Thursday, September 3, 2009


My husband says I tend to rant when I get on a topic that fires me up. REALLY???? When did I start doing that???!!?!?